Behind Spike’s Eyes

An exercise in questioning certainty — and why that matters for anyone responsible for real work

I didn’t ask a chatbot to analyze me because I wanted insight about myself.

I asked because I wanted distance.

When you work closely with responsibility — boats, systems, people, consequences — your explanations start to harden. They become efficient. Repeatable. Convincing.

Eventually, they stop being examined.

This was an attempt to interrupt that process.

Not to replace judgment.

To test it.

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Why Question Your Own Narrative at All

Most people don’t suffer from lack of insight.

They suffer from unquestioned coherence.

If your story about how you work makes sense, pays the bills, and avoids obvious harm, it becomes easy to stop revisiting the assumptions underneath it.

That’s when small distortions accumulate:

• Consistency starts to masquerade as correctness

• Discipline quietly becomes necessity

• “This works” turns into “this is the only way”

This exercise was a way to question that — quietly, without performance.

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What Happens When You Externalize Your Thinking

Forcing an external system to reflect my patterns back to me created separation:

• Between what I do

• And why I believe I do it

That separation matters for anyone who:

• Carries standards

• Sets boundaries

• Prices work honestly

• Says “no” more often than they’d like

Over time, explanations lag behind reality unless they’re deliberately revisited.

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Measurement as a Case Study (Not a Virtue)

I often say I measure everything because precision protects everyone involved.

That’s mostly true.

But measurement also:

• Reduces ambiguity

• Limits surprise

• Prevents emotional negotiation

from replacing practical decisions

None of that is wrong.

None of it is neutral either.

For the reader, the takeaway is transferable:

Any system you rely on — metrics, routines, rules — should be inspected periodically:

• What problem did this solve originally?

• What problem does it now prevent me from seeing?

• If I removed it, what discomfort would surface immediately?

Those answers are often more honest than the original justification.

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The Hidden Cost of Being Reliable

Reliability has a shadow.

When people trust you:

• They bring complexity

• They bring deferred decisions

• They bring problems that already failed elsewhere

If that load isn’t acknowledged, it doesn’t disappear — it internalizes.

Burnout rarely comes from effort alone.

It comes from unaccounted cognitive and moral load.

You can measure time, materials, and labor precisely —

and still miss what actually exhausts you.

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Boundaries Aren’t Just for Other People

I’ve always framed boundaries as client protection:

• Clear scope

• Clear pricing

• Clear sequencing

What this reflection exposed is that boundaries also protect decision quality.

Without them:

• Every job becomes a negotiation

• Every exception becomes precedent

• Every favor becomes future pressure

Fatigue quietly replaces judgment — and fatigue is a terrible decision-maker.

This applies far beyond boats.

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The Consultation as a General Principle

Stripped of context, the consultation model is simple:

Pause before commitment.

That pause:

• Clarifies reality

• Aligns expectations

• Filters emotional momentum

In any field, this principle transfers cleanly:

• Before projects

• Before partnerships

• Before irreversible “yes” decisions

Speed feels productive.

Pauses feel expensive.

They usually aren’t.

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The Quiet Risk of Competence

Competence reduces feedback.

When things work:

• Fewer people question you

• Fewer systems push back

• Fewer mistakes force recalibration

That’s when introspection has to become intentional, not reactive.

A useful question for anyone skilled at their work:

What assumptions am I no longer testing because I’m good at what I do?

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Why This Matters Beyond Me

This isn’t about identity.

It’s about maintenance.

Mental frameworks degrade quietly:

• Through repetition

• Through success

• Through lack of challenge

Occasional perspective inversion — especially from something indifferent to your reputation — is one way to notice drift early.

Not to discard what works.

To keep it honest.

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This exercise didn’t produce answers.

It produced better questions, which is more valuable.

If there’s anything worth taking from this, it’s not process or standards — it’s this habit:

Periodically step outside your own explanations

and ask whether they still serve reality,

or merely your comfort with it.

That isn’t self-criticism.

It’s stewardship.